What Is This

I don't understand this feeling.
  My hands are shaking.
    My mind is whirling.
      My heart... racing?
      No, that's a lie.
    Some would
  Dub this
Fear.
She asked me if I was crying.
     I was not.
  It's not one of those feelings
    She can inspire so well
with her delicate words,
never on purpose.

Maybe I really am just
                Afraid.
But yet...
    I sit here.
  In the confines of
A dark, lonely room,
Light of an unfeeling machine,
  Striking my face.
      And at the same time,
   while I sit here,
and my hands shake,
splashing soda on my face,
  my mind whirling,
distracting me,



I feel calm.